Free The Pinto

Vanity UnFair’s “New Hollywood” issue completely lacks diversity. Where is Kate Beckinsale, Kim Kardashian, Julie Benz, and Bryant Gumbel !!!

Haricot Cotyledon chronicles events that led to the personal transgressions of golfing legend Tiger Woods. Why do men cheat? Are we wired differently than women? My heart goes out to Elin Nordegren and the kids. I hope they can work it out…

“CONFESSIONS OF A TIGER”

“Hey, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail, just have it as your telephone number. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”

“I am strong. This happened to me. I didn’t cause this. I didn’t do it. This happened to me and it could happen to anybody. There are a lot of women who have experienced what I did but not in the public. So it made it really difficult. I just felt like Oh My God here goes my little bit of privacy Just people.exposed like (It’s) something that nobody wants anybody to know. So here I am the whole world knowing…”

“…because that I didn’t want people to think that thats the kind of personI fell in love with that person. That’s embarrassing. That’s embarrassing that thats the type of person I fell in love with. So far in loveSo unconditional that I went back. Eight or nine actually and I dont want that to happen. That’s not what I want to teach people. But again peopleyou Im…Im a human beingand people put me on a very unrealistic pedestal…And all these expectations. Im not perfect. Also, its pretty natural for that to be the first reaction. It’s completely normal to go back. You start lying to yourself. The minute the physical wounds go away you.. You want this thing to go away. This is a memory you don’t want to have ever again…”

“When I realize that my selfish decision for love.could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not, I could not be easy with that (Chokes up with tears)part I couldn’t be held responsible for telling them Go back Chris (Chokes up with tears)…Even if Chris never hit me again, whos to say that their boyfriend wont Whos to say that they wont kill these girls. And these are, these are young girls, and I could not (Chokes up with tears) I just didnt realize how much of an impact I had on these girls lives until that happened.until that happened. It was a wakeup call, it was a wakeup call for me.BIG TIME!!! Especially when I took myself out of the situation…And I’ll say that to any young girl who’s going through domestic violence.” “DON’T REACT OFF OF LOVE… F!@#@ LOVE !!! COME OUT OF THE SITUATION AND LOOK AT IT THIRD PERSON AND FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS AND THEN MAKE YOUR DECISION BECAUSE LOVE IS SO BLIND…”

I AM A TAR BABY FUNGUS by Strychnos Spinosa

I am a Tar Baby Fungus. A venom, creeping thru the night,

A Zimbabwean conundrum poised to give you a fright

I f you listen to my voice you will be paralyzed and sedated,

No matter who you are… intellectually challenged or educated

I am a question mark “Nga!” full of uncertainty, mystery and evil,

A bitter African Molasses Tokoloshe who will create in you a spiritual upheaval

I will scare you to death this Halloween October 31nth 2009,

And you will wish that you hadn’t seen or heard me on this site…

I will pillage your villages and steal your sweet little children,

Torment you in your sleep husbands, wives, brothers and sistren

Do not, I repeat.  Do not provoke this Nubian caramel Mandigo,

For he will circumcise your spirit, your will, and your soul…

So to all those Homo Sapien cowards and war mongers who wish ill of me,

I will cook you for food and have your antigenic blood for tea

I am the smelly buttock cheeks, the terror that flaps in the night,

Have a happy Halloween, smile and don’t be uptight!

Guess which show this is 1.”Who Wants To Be A Billionaire (In Zimbabwe Dollars)”  2.”Zimbabwe’s Next Top Model To Be Granted A Visa Overseas” 3.”Survivor Zimbabwe:How Long Can You Survive on 1$ Before Starving To Death” 4.”Pimp My Ride Zimbabwe” 5.”CNN Presents: White in Zimbabwe,Life After Farming” 6.”Myth Busters Zimbabwe: Are Black Men…” 7.” CSI Zimbabwe: Who Stole My Freezits” 8.”Lifetime Movie Network Presents: Golden Girl, The Kirsty Coventry Story” 9. “Goldilocks and the 300 African Bears” 10. “Rocky VII: Adrian Returns To Mbare”

“324″ (By Haricot Cotyledon)

Happy 27th birthday to my girlfriend Faraya
Soft to the touch, delish, sweet as papaya
7 months to this day we met on the BookFace
You captured my moyo (heart) with your tender warm embrace

I wasnt looking for anyone particular at that time
But you were so swell to me that I began to sublime
From a solid state of rigidity, boredom and sadness
To a gaseous state of love thout the madness

Damn, you tha bomb girl you got me trippin’
You tha water of my drought drip drip drip drippin’
The Jam on my bread, The Big Apple on my eye,
My Coca Cola, and cream buns, you so fly you blow my mind

Im eternally grateful for the presence in my life
You take away my worries, my fears, and my strife
I stopped living dangerous like margarine in an oven
Happy three twenty four months to my Cupcake my muffin

Robby headbutts goat over land dispute. Suffice it to say, the goat didn’t make it… In Zimbabwe we don’t keep food as pets. This isn’t some Sunday afternoon Disney Channel with cute cuddly animals that will live to old age and never make it to the dinner table. This is Africa. TIA Mofos!!!!

The year is 2009. John Wheels (Dennis Quaid) drives a Prius Hybrid and has been having horrible nightmares about 3.8 million Toyotals accelerating uncontrollably into the depths of hell. Wheels goes to “Toyotal Inc” a car company that sells faulty floormats to unsuspecting customers. Sales agent Michelle Sparks (Meg Ryan) sells Wheels a Prius with a dysfunctional sliding floormat that prevents him from breaking by irreversibly forcing down the accelerator. Soon after learning of this Wheels attempts to report the matter to the U.S. Transportation Secretary, who is secretly working for Toyotal Inc. He also discovers that he is being followed by a group of would-be Washington Obamanite assassins. A mysterious woman from Government Motors approaches him and offers to help but what’s in it for her? What should he do? Who can he trust? Is it all a dream? Only one man can help him…Mike Ackson, a longtime friend, veteran and expert in Moonsliding, a technique of moving effortlessly on any mat that has friction between it and the floor. There is only one problem. Ackson is killed in a freak hit and run accident before Wheels can get to him. This is a must see movie that will keep you on the edge of your seat from beginning to end !!!