Free The Pinto

Haricot Cotyledon chronicles events that led to the personal transgressions of golfing legend Tiger Woods. Why do men cheat? Are we wired differently than women? My heart goes out to Elin Nordegren and the kids. I hope they can work it out…

I AM A TAR BABY FUNGUS by Strychnos Spinosa

I am a Tar Baby Fungus. A venom, creeping thru the night,

A Zimbabwean conundrum poised to give you a fright

I f you listen to my voice you will be paralyzed and sedated,

No matter who you are… intellectually challenged or educated

I am a question mark “Nga!” full of uncertainty, mystery and evil,

A bitter African Molasses Tokoloshe who will create in you a spiritual upheaval

I will scare you to death this Halloween October 31nth 2009,

And you will wish that you hadn’t seen or heard me on this site…

I will pillage your villages and steal your sweet little children,

Torment you in your sleep husbands, wives, brothers and sistren

Do not, I repeat.  Do not provoke this Nubian caramel Mandigo,

For he will circumcise your spirit, your will, and your soul…

So to all those Homo Sapien cowards and war mongers who wish ill of me,

I will cook you for food and have your antigenic blood for tea

I am the smelly buttock cheeks, the terror that flaps in the night,

Have a happy Halloween, smile and don’t be uptight!

Guess which show this is 1.”Who Wants To Be A Billionaire (In Zimbabwe Dollars)”  2.”Zimbabwe’s Next Top Model To Be Granted A Visa Overseas” 3.”Survivor Zimbabwe:How Long Can You Survive on 1$ Before Starving To Death” 4.”Pimp My Ride Zimbabwe” 5.”CNN Presents: White in Zimbabwe,Life After Farming” 6.”Myth Busters Zimbabwe: Are Black Men…” 7.” CSI Zimbabwe: Who Stole My Freezits” 8.”Lifetime Movie Network Presents: Golden Girl, The Kirsty Coventry Story” 9. “Goldilocks and the 300 African Bears” 10. “Rocky VII: Adrian Returns To Mbare”

“324″ (By Haricot Cotyledon)

Happy 27th birthday to my girlfriend Faraya
Soft to the touch, delish, sweet as papaya
7 months to this day we met on the BookFace
You captured my moyo (heart) with your tender warm embrace

I wasnt looking for anyone particular at that time
But you were so swell to me that I began to sublime
From a solid state of rigidity, boredom and sadness
To a gaseous state of love thout the madness

Damn, you tha bomb girl you got me trippin’
You tha water of my drought drip drip drip drippin’
The Jam on my bread, The Big Apple on my eye,
My Coca Cola, and cream buns, you so fly you blow my mind

Im eternally grateful for the presence in my life
You take away my worries, my fears, and my strife
I stopped living dangerous like margarine in an oven
Happy three twenty four months to my Cupcake my muffin

Robby headbutts goat over land dispute. Suffice it to say, the goat didn’t make it… In Zimbabwe we don’t keep food as pets. This isn’t some Sunday afternoon Disney Channel with cute cuddly animals that will live to old age and never make it to the dinner table. This is Africa. TIA Mofos!!!!

Whitney Houston’s Back? The only thing back about her are her shoulders, lats and traps, and even those are dwindling with all the weight she has lost !!!! I wish her all the best (thanks Clive Davis for giving her yet another chance) but I really think she’s lost her golden voice… permanently…That’s what crack will do to ya…Our sincerest gratitude to Bobby Brown for panel beating Whitney to skin and bones….

Guess who’s coming to dinner? Michael Vick’s cousin Haricot Cotyledon attends a barbeque during Labor Day. He meets a lovable dog named Peanut but doesn’t realize just how lovable Peanut can be !!!!