Free The Pinto

[Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But thats alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But thats alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem]
I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like,
and right now its a steel knife in my windpipe
I can’t breath when I still fight well I can fight
As long as the (?) feels right its like I’m in flight
High off of love, Drunk from my hate
Its like I’m huffing paint and the (?) the more suffer
I suffocate and right before I drown
She resuscitates me, She fucking hates me and I love it
Wait, Where you going? I’m leaving you
No you ain’t, Come back
Were running right back, Here we going again
Its so insane cus’ when its going it good,
its going great, I’m Superman with the (?) is back
She’s Louis Lane, but when its bad its awful
I feel so ashamed, I snap. Who’s that dude?
I don’t even know his name, I laid hands on her
I never stoop so low again, I guess I don’t know my own strength.

[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But thats alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But thats alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie

[Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much that you could barely breath when your with em’?
And you meet and neither one, even know what hit em’
You got the warm fuzzy feelin’, ya them chills used to get em’
Now your gettin’ fuckin’ sick when you look at em’
You swore you would never hit em’,
Never do nothin’ to her now your in each others face spewing venom in your words when you spit em’
You both pull each others hair, scratch, clob, hit em’, throw em’ down, pin em’
So lost in your moment when your in em’
Its the rage (?)
So they say you best go your separate ways,
Guess that they don’t know you, because today
That was yesterday, Yesterday is over
Its a different day, Sounds like broken records playin’ over
But your promised her, Next time you’ll show her restraint
You don’t get another chance, Life is not a Nintendo game
But you lied again, and now you get to watch her leave out the window,
Guess thats why they call it window pane (pain)

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
Now I know we said things, Kid things
That we didn’t mean and we fall back into the same pattern
Seventeen, but your temper is just as bad as mine is
Your the same as me, but when he comes to love ya
its just blinded, Baby, Please come back,
It wasn’t you, Baby, It was me
Maybe our relationships isn’t as crazy as it seems
Maybe thats what happens when a Tornado meets a Volcano,
All I know I love you too much to walk and Wait up!
Come Inside, pick up the bags from the sidewalk,
Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk,
Told you this was my fault, look me in the eyeball,
Next time I’m pissed I’ll lay my fist at the dry wall,
Next time there wont be no next time,
I apologize even though I know its lies,
I’m tired of the games, I just want her back,
I know I’m a liar, If she ever fuckin’ leaves again,
I’m a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire,
Just gonna…

[Chorus]

Vanity UnFair’s “New Hollywood” issue completely lacks diversity. Where is Kate Beckinsale, Kim Kardashian, Julie Benz, and Bryant Gumbel !!!

Haricot Cotyledon chronicles events that led to the personal transgressions of golfing legend Tiger Woods. Why do men cheat? Are we wired differently than women? My heart goes out to Elin Nordegren and the kids. I hope they can work it out…

“I am strong. This happened to me. I didn’t cause this. I didn’t do it. This happened to me and it could happen to anybody. There are a lot of women who have experienced what I did but not in the public. So it made it really difficult. I just felt like Oh My God here goes my little bit of privacy Just people.exposed like (It’s) something that nobody wants anybody to know. So here I am the whole world knowing…”

“…because that I didn’t want people to think that thats the kind of personI fell in love with that person. That’s embarrassing. That’s embarrassing that thats the type of person I fell in love with. So far in loveSo unconditional that I went back. Eight or nine actually and I dont want that to happen. That’s not what I want to teach people. But again peopleyou Im…Im a human beingand people put me on a very unrealistic pedestal…And all these expectations. Im not perfect. Also, its pretty natural for that to be the first reaction. It’s completely normal to go back. You start lying to yourself. The minute the physical wounds go away you.. You want this thing to go away. This is a memory you don’t want to have ever again…”

“When I realize that my selfish decision for love.could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not, I could not be easy with that (Chokes up with tears)part I couldn’t be held responsible for telling them Go back Chris (Chokes up with tears)…Even if Chris never hit me again, whos to say that their boyfriend wont Whos to say that they wont kill these girls. And these are, these are young girls, and I could not (Chokes up with tears) I just didnt realize how much of an impact I had on these girls lives until that happened.until that happened. It was a wakeup call, it was a wakeup call for me.BIG TIME!!! Especially when I took myself out of the situation…And I’ll say that to any young girl who’s going through domestic violence.” “DON’T REACT OFF OF LOVE… F!@#@ LOVE !!! COME OUT OF THE SITUATION AND LOOK AT IT THIRD PERSON AND FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS AND THEN MAKE YOUR DECISION BECAUSE LOVE IS SO BLIND…”

What would impress a woman more. A dozen mass produced roses or wild dandelions? Haricot Cotyledon seems to think that latter would do the trick. Join Haricot on his quest to order dandelions from three florists:

Ladies. How do you keep your farts smelling like sugar, spice and all things nice? I know how important it is for women to have men think that they never fart or take a number 2. For men, obviously the reverse is true. We want our farts to smell as vile as possible. Here is the secret:

EAT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL… EXCEPT BEANS!!!

Stinky farts are caused by:

1. Excess milk and dairy products. No more cheesy grins from you at lunch or it will come back to haunt you !!!
2. Oily, fatty and fried foods. Stay away from meat especially. Vegetarian farts smell better than carnivorous farts.
3. Carbonated beverages like beer and soda (soft drinks).
4. Vegetables like corn, baby carrots, broccoli, cauliflower and cucumber. If you must, cook before eating. It helps break down those problematic complex carbohydrates.

Contrary to popular belief, while eating beans gives you lots of gas, it actually doesn’t smell as bad !!! So start eating those Pinto beans and express yourself freely without fear of reprisal.

This message is for all husbands and boyfriends.” Know her cycle.” Trust me. It will go a long way. There are many reasons why you should know and understand a woman’s menstrual cycle:

1. If you are sexually active (Like once in a blue moon, in which case you’re better off watching a blue movie) it may be useful if you aren’t planning to have kids. Days 1-5 of her cycle are the best scientifically, but not so practical…..Stay away from her during Days 11-17 (If you are not protected that is…) Day 14 is a big no no…
2. You will be able to understand her mood swings and strange behavior.Take note of when she eats funny things like sweets, chips and dirt. That’s right. You heard me. Dirt. If you see her eating dirt it’s probably too late anyway. Pinto Jr. will be rearing his ugly head shortly after that.
3. It just helps as a guy if you are on top of the situation as opposed to being on top of her. Be aware of your surroundings or anything that may be thrown at you. It helps to notice things that happen regularly. That way you don’t get surprised when she swears at you for smiling at her.
4. As dangerous as Day 14 might sound, you have a greater chance of being lucky at that time. I can prove it….When a surprise baby arrives into the world, it is literally conceived shortly after Day 14 or ovulation !!!
5. You can brag about your knowledge of her cycle to your friends. Just don’t take this knowledge too far. It may not be in your best interest (and could be outright dangerous) to know your friends’ wives and girlfriends’ cycles.

Guys don’t panic. It’s no big deal. It’s easy to remember. Day 1,she really hates you. Day 5-6, she goes shopping with friends and wants to do all kinds of stuff, except have sex. Day 14, she really wants you. This is statistically your best time for a “good time”. Day 28, she pretty much hates your guts because of Day 1.

Sarah Palin prides herself in stamping out corruption even within her own party. A good trait to have but nothing like our featured guest. Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice can only dream of such power….I’m talking about Sampat Pal Devi, the meanest mofo in all of Asia. Devi, born in 1947, hailing from parts unknown is the badass founder and leader of a group of several hundred pink sari-wearing ninja women who literally go around beating the crap out of abusive husbands and corrupt goverment offcials.“Mind you,” she says, “we are not a gang in the usual sense of the term. We are a gang for justice.” Big up to you Sampat. Keep on keep keeping on !!! Where were you when Robin Givens needed you?